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Improving Connection in Your Relationship: How to build rituals of connection.

If you feel like the connection in your relationship is dwindling and are wondering how to rebuild it, this post could help. Often, life gets busy and we have little time left in the day for ourselves and our partners. The busyness of life can drain us and we spend our free time zoning out, staring at a screen next to each other. If we take some time to be mindful of how we spend our time together we can foster more connection.


A key principle in Gottman Method relationship counseling is shared meaning within a relationship. One of my favorite pieces of shared meaning is rituals of connection. These are rituals you create that give you a chance to connect with your partner. These can be daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, or any increment you’d like. They need to be intentional and planned and hopefully involve something you both enjoy.



Rituals of connection can help build a happier relationship. They are part of the sound relationship house which includes nine components of a healthy relationship. Completing rituals of connection can increase closeness and intimacy. It also improves friendship and creates a deeper connection in the relationship. These rituals don’t have to be very time-consuming when incorporated daily.


Here are some ideas for rituals of connection you can start in your relationship:

  • Exercising together

  • Having coffee in the mornings

  • Cooking dinner together

  • A weekly date night

  • A yearly vacation

  • Celebrating holidays, anniversaries, or birthdays

  • Talking about your relationship

  • How you say goodbye when leaving

  • How you reunite when returning home

  • Family game night

  • Gatherings with friends or family

  • Texting during the day

  • Exchanging massages

  • Taking breaks when flooded

  • Having sex

  • Going for a drive together

  • Trying new restaurants

  • Going to church together

  • Learning a new hobby or taking a class

  • Going for a walk

  • A bedtime routine

  • Getting ready for work together

  • Reading a book together

  • Discussing your days

  • Taking care of each other when sick

  • Shopping for groceries

  • Setting goals together

  • Volunteering together


As you can see these can be simple daily connections or larger monthly rituals you schedule. Rituals of connection can also be created during the holidays as well. Some of my favorite childhood memories are of the rituals my family would do together which I have created my own in my relationship. Creating time when you and your partner can do activities together can build up the positive regard in your relationship. It gives you something to look forward to that is special just between you.

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