Did you know the Gottman Institute sends out a free marriage minute every Tuesday and Thursday morning?
Today's marriage minute is:
"Don't ask. Do.
Chances are, with the best intentions, you’ve asked someone, “Is there anything I can do?”
People have probably asked you this question, too. But how often have you assigned them a task in return?
If you need help, you don’t always have the bandwidth to request it in the form of specific actions.
It might even surprise the person who asked if you told them, “Yes, actually, could you take my garbage out right now?”
A better way to show up for someone who is grieving, busy, in pain, or overwhelmed is to offer something specific and authentic to you. Ask yourself, “What can I give?” "
I personally have worked on getting better with answering "what can I do to help?" or "let me know if there is anything I can do!". When my father passed away I had days where I could immediately respond with something task oriented I needed. Other days I couldn't even form a response to the question. We all have times when we are so overwhelmed we can't find an answer or perhaps we feel like the offer wasn't genuine. In your relationship when your partner is hurting think about what you are able to provide. Can you take over cooking, cleaning or shopping? What about getting the kids out of the house? Even something as simple as giving your partner a hug and a safe space to feel can be powerful.
You can sign up for the free email Marriage Minute here https://www.gottman.com/marriage-minute/?utm_source=Newsletter&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=MM_318_Don%27t_ask_Do